What A Doula Would Like You to Know

As a birth worker there are some things I'd like you to know in order for our relationship to be successful:

Your partner is not extraneous and neither am I. Your partner knows you and loves you in a way that I cannot. I know pregnancy and labor in a way that s/he is unlikely to. S/he provides the familiar, while I offer guidance through the unknown. Together we make an ideal team, combining our understanding of birth and of you to administer well-rounded support.

Much of my work involves listening to your preferences, supplying you with information, and listing your options. What you do with that information and which options you select is up to you. Therefore, I rarely say "should." (As in, you "should" accept Pitocin for a stalled labor, or you "should" change doctors.) You, your partner, and perhaps your care provider are the only ones who should speak in those terms.

Don't be afraid of the words or fluids that may come out of your body during labor. You're doing the difficult work of giving life to a human, and you're allowed, encouraged even, to do whatever you need to accomplish this task.

Don't play hostess with me. Whether I'm in your home or your hospital room, please don't offer me a chair or the chance to choose the TV channel or any of the snacks you've stashed in the fridge for after the birth. I'm here to serve you, not the other way around.

Offering you the care you deserve while attempting to create or maintain a rapport with hospital staff is a balancing act. Know that I conscientiously choose my words and actions and do my best to not alienate myself from you or your care providers.

I understand why you want an unmedicated birth. You've considered the risks of pain medication. You've read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. You don't want the added cost of an epidural. You've checked your gut. You're seeking an empowering experience. Regardless of the reason(s), you recognize that the "natural" way is best for you.

I understand why you want an epidural. You've considered the pain you'll face. You've heard and read dozens of stories beginning with, "I loved my epidural." You want to be more present during the birth. You want to be able to rest just before the difficult work of parenting begins. You've checked your gut. You're seeking an empowering experience. Regardless of the reason(s), you realize that pain medication is right for you.

I understand why you want a cesarean birth. You had a negative experience with a vaginal delivery. You had a negative or positive experience with an intended vaginal delivery turned cesarean. A history of sexual abuse. Health issues. A need to control the date and time of your baby's arrival. You've studied the concept of family-friendly cesareans. You've checked your gut. You're seeking an empowering experience. Regardless of the reason(s), you know that a cesarean birth is in your best interests.

I understand why you choose most anything you do. Even if it's not a choice I would make for myself. Have faith that I ask questions to understand your reasoning and do not judge you for it.

Though our relationship is fleeting, it is a uniquely intimate connection. I care very much about you and your partner, mother, best friend. Our interactions carry meaning that shapes who I am as an individual and as a doula. You are my teacher, my guide. You are the one I feel guilty towards because you make me a better doula for the next mother than I was for you.

I am delighted to be of service. I've found few honors in my life (officiating two friends' wedding, caring for a dying parent) that humble me and make me marvel at life in the way birth work does. It is a gift whose legacy will reside within me for every future trip around the sun.

If you're in the Reno, Carson City, Carson Valley, or Lake Tahoe areas I'd welcome the chance to speak to you about doula care, breasfeeding assistance, or childbirth education. Please contact me at 406.531.5564 or cloudninechildbirth@gmail.com.

Happy birthing!

Ashley

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